I joined it about 2 years ago when I was about 23 and ever since I've made amazing friends and connections and learnt a great deal! I also found myself. :)
I decided that I would like to share some of the inspiring things I found when I was there. The comments will be shared annoymously and no details of the site imparted. This is meant as a lesson in growth. Passing on the wisdom and love others have shared with me.
While aquiring a undergrad degree I went through some kind of depression. I slept a lot and cried and was living alone with freshman while I was a senior. I had no one to talk to who would give me the kind of support I needed but this blog and it really changed me.
I felt exactly this way before. And having someone to talk to is really helpful; don't just dismiss it or keep it inside.
I'm always here to talk and offer support. Seriously, always here. I'm usually on my laptop doing work and I go online to check things and just waste time, so I'll be around. I can PM you with my contact info if you want.
I'm always here to talk and offer support. Seriously, always here. I'm usually on my laptop doing work and I go online to check things and just waste time, so I'll be around. I can PM you with my contact info if you want.
Gangsta, I am not saying that this is the same case with you as it is me, but I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 12 years old and I know what it is like to have emotions that you can't control. It took me half my life to come to terms with clinical depression. One of the most common and (pardon me for saying this) STUPID things anyone can say to a person when they are going through a spell is "snap out of it." It is not helpful, and it shows a complete lack of understanding for the actual problem, which can actually be an imbalance in some cases. Again, I am not trying to diagnose you, I am just hearing you say a lot of the same things that people with sign of depression exhibit... procrastination, lack of interest, crying spells, moodiness. This can be fixed.
My advice would be to go see your school counseling clinic. You said you were in a graduate psych class, so your school probably has a clinic that offers services at reduced prices.
I am always here to listen as well. As I said, I know all too well what it is like to feel out of control of your emotions. It is one of the worst feelings in the world.
My advice would be to go see your school counseling clinic. You said you were in a graduate psych class, so your school probably has a clinic that offers services at reduced prices.
I am always here to listen as well. As I said, I know all too well what it is like to feel out of control of your emotions. It is one of the worst feelings in the world.
i went through depression 3 years ago (was hating being with my ex husband ) and it just spialed into hating to be at work, crying etc. I didnt know until i eneded up having an axiety attack what was going on, i would become nervous for no reason in stores. i would be inline and then all of a sudden catch someone looking at me and i would get reall self concious and start sweating..lol..im laughing now but it was awful. they put me on meds but it only made me more sleepy. I would cycle between sleeping crying and eating and then get more depressed. Eventually after 4 months of that crap i woke up on day and said to hell with this my ex is not worth it, i started exercising weaned myself of the pills and left his butt. Ive lost 2o pounds and i feel so much better , althoug some days ive noticed that i get stressed easily and can feel it hovering over me. a friend of mine told me that your nerves (and your probably studying this if your major is psych like hers) will connect to bad thoughts and stay there. You have to tell yourself not just to stop thinking the sad bad thoughts but replace it with good thoughts and energy. So everytime i felt sad i wonder remember when my son graduated from highschool or something that really made me happy. People say snap out of it because they dont know, but either way youlook at it this is something you and only you alone can conquer.
Thank you guys so much!
I was worried that someone would criticize me.
I really have no reason to be depressed and when I cry I'm not even thinking about anything I'm just very scared, anxious and exhausted from it all. I cry because it seems like the easiest thing to do. and I sleep because it makes me shut off.
It sounds really awful now that I'm putting it in writing but I'm glad I'm talking about it now. Its only been a week. My mom told me to just start sleeping earlier and I won't be sleeping so much, or to not take so many classes and I won't have a hard time. I don't think she gets it I'm having a hard time because I can't do anything at all.
I know that I can get over this I just don't know why its happening. It might be a lot of different things. I have never been in a relationship and whenever it seems like it just might happen, it doesn't. I just met a guy I liked recently and thought he liked me too but I don't know anymore and when I'm around him I feel like I'm the one who's vulnerable and trying really hard and he doesn't really care. I've had a lot of abusive friendships as I was growing up and was constantly bullied. I've grown out of feeling bad for myself because of that and I learned to become stronger. I started to really love myself, take care of myself and enjoy my life. I tried to become friends with every person I met because I didn't want to ever be alone. The people I met were very negative and took out all their emotional problems on me and I ate it all up. People made fun of me for my strengths. They said I'm pretty so that means I have no personality or they said I'm talented and pretty so I'm just a bit$$ thats trying to take their guys from them. I got very insecure and wanted to look ugly, and be weak next to girls so that they wouldn't have a reason to make fun of me. I didn't want to raise their insecurities. After that I had some really awful teachers and very abusive authority figures I came into contact with who tried to sexually assault me. I was scared and felt very lonely. I decided to just be tough and ignore the way people were treating me. So I let roommates, teachers, and authority figures in my school do whatever they willed because I figured I'm smarter than them and I can beat them by acting unharmed. I got really depressed. I stayed in my room all the time and never wanted to see anyone or be around people. Now I'm not really sure why I'm still going through something. I have no problem interacting with people and have confidence in that sense but I have no motivation. Theres a difference between being able to say hi to someone and having enough motivation to be heard. If that makes any sense. So, I'm often just trying to get by without getting noticed. I'm very scared of making someone feel like I'm a threat or they need to fight me. In the past few years I've been scared of attaching to people. So I have friends but I don't stay in contact with them. I also used to be scared of hugging people. I changed myself this year. I'm hugging everyone that I'm friends with and the teachers/advisors that I'm close to. I'm trying to strengthen positive bonds and stay away from people who are negative. I'm one of the few people on my campus who doesn't do any drugs or smoke and that might seem silly but I think its a problem. So, I'm trying to find people who are really clean as well as good people. Its a strange feeling. It feels like I've been beaten down and there isnt anything there anymore. I don't have a reason to smile at people when I see them besides for fear. But some days I'm better. Some days I'm really great. I think its about learning to not hold yourself to a standard. Just allowing yourself to be and building confidence in being with yourself.
I'm meeting some great people and I met some people who made me feel very happy to be myself but when I realized they weren't supporting me I let them go. I'm letting people go a lot more easily now. I don't cry about it. I just know that it's not working so I'm better off parting ways with them and I'm trying to teach myself that I don't need others to feel good and be happy. I'm finding that the more you give yourself, the easier it is to give others and then for others to give you back. I think I'll be fine.
I've also noticed that a lot of abusive people come my way. They are usually very emotionally avoidant. I was sitting one day in the library and I really noticed what was happening. First this one guy who I used to be friends with and now I just say hello to on occasion, walked up to and kicked my chair to get my attention and then walked away. Then this girl who I was with on study abroad this summer and tried to beat me up once saw me looking at her and made a big deal about it as if were still friends and then this guy who I worked with on a project once and was making me do all the work came up to me and whistled in my face as if to provoke me.
I was worried that someone would criticize me.
I really have no reason to be depressed and when I cry I'm not even thinking about anything I'm just very scared, anxious and exhausted from it all. I cry because it seems like the easiest thing to do. and I sleep because it makes me shut off.
It sounds really awful now that I'm putting it in writing but I'm glad I'm talking about it now. Its only been a week. My mom told me to just start sleeping earlier and I won't be sleeping so much, or to not take so many classes and I won't have a hard time. I don't think she gets it I'm having a hard time because I can't do anything at all.
I know that I can get over this I just don't know why its happening. It might be a lot of different things. I have never been in a relationship and whenever it seems like it just might happen, it doesn't. I just met a guy I liked recently and thought he liked me too but I don't know anymore and when I'm around him I feel like I'm the one who's vulnerable and trying really hard and he doesn't really care. I've had a lot of abusive friendships as I was growing up and was constantly bullied. I've grown out of feeling bad for myself because of that and I learned to become stronger. I started to really love myself, take care of myself and enjoy my life. I tried to become friends with every person I met because I didn't want to ever be alone. The people I met were very negative and took out all their emotional problems on me and I ate it all up. People made fun of me for my strengths. They said I'm pretty so that means I have no personality or they said I'm talented and pretty so I'm just a bit$$ thats trying to take their guys from them. I got very insecure and wanted to look ugly, and be weak next to girls so that they wouldn't have a reason to make fun of me. I didn't want to raise their insecurities. After that I had some really awful teachers and very abusive authority figures I came into contact with who tried to sexually assault me. I was scared and felt very lonely. I decided to just be tough and ignore the way people were treating me. So I let roommates, teachers, and authority figures in my school do whatever they willed because I figured I'm smarter than them and I can beat them by acting unharmed. I got really depressed. I stayed in my room all the time and never wanted to see anyone or be around people. Now I'm not really sure why I'm still going through something. I have no problem interacting with people and have confidence in that sense but I have no motivation. Theres a difference between being able to say hi to someone and having enough motivation to be heard. If that makes any sense. So, I'm often just trying to get by without getting noticed. I'm very scared of making someone feel like I'm a threat or they need to fight me. In the past few years I've been scared of attaching to people. So I have friends but I don't stay in contact with them. I also used to be scared of hugging people. I changed myself this year. I'm hugging everyone that I'm friends with and the teachers/advisors that I'm close to. I'm trying to strengthen positive bonds and stay away from people who are negative. I'm one of the few people on my campus who doesn't do any drugs or smoke and that might seem silly but I think its a problem. So, I'm trying to find people who are really clean as well as good people. Its a strange feeling. It feels like I've been beaten down and there isnt anything there anymore. I don't have a reason to smile at people when I see them besides for fear. But some days I'm better. Some days I'm really great. I think its about learning to not hold yourself to a standard. Just allowing yourself to be and building confidence in being with yourself.
I'm meeting some great people and I met some people who made me feel very happy to be myself but when I realized they weren't supporting me I let them go. I'm letting people go a lot more easily now. I don't cry about it. I just know that it's not working so I'm better off parting ways with them and I'm trying to teach myself that I don't need others to feel good and be happy. I'm finding that the more you give yourself, the easier it is to give others and then for others to give you back. I think I'll be fine.
I've also noticed that a lot of abusive people come my way. They are usually very emotionally avoidant. I was sitting one day in the library and I really noticed what was happening. First this one guy who I used to be friends with and now I just say hello to on occasion, walked up to and kicked my chair to get my attention and then walked away. Then this girl who I was with on study abroad this summer and tried to beat me up once saw me looking at her and made a big deal about it as if were still friends and then this guy who I worked with on a project once and was making me do all the work came up to me and whistled in my face as if to provoke me.
It sounds like you have been and are working really hard on your issues, and that is such a great thing! I am really introspective, even as a child, and i think that can be a blessing and it can be a curse at the same time because you tend to soak up so much from your environment and the people in your life. But overall, introspection is what makes you stronger and helps you overcome adversity, especially within yourself.
It really sounds like you would benefit a lot from a counselor who can help you reorganize some of the thoughts you have. Youa re doing a good job, but it is just harder to do when you are feeling as overwhelmed as you are now. One can especially teach you what it is you are picking up on that may be attracting abusive people towards you and help you correct that. I went through a similar healing process because when I was younger I would only end up dating guys who ended up being verbally and emotionally abusive. I always rejected the 'nice' guys. It took years to break this pattern, but I think I've finally overcome that.
The last thing I wanted to say is that it is really important that you take good care of yourself at this time. When you are overwhelmed and over-stressed, you actually start depleting your hormones and it causes all sorts of havoc and makes you sick. It causes headaches, migraines, tiredness, more depression... all the things you are feeling. So get some good multi-vitamins, get some bubble bath, and just do whatever it is you like to pamper yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat a close friend if she were going through the same thing and you wanted to help. Rest and stress reduction is very important in getting through these episodes. If you can drop a class and feel like it is necessary to reduce stress, then I would just do it and not feel bad about it. You can pick it up later when you are feeling better and stronger.
Good luck Gangsta, hang in there.
It really sounds like you would benefit a lot from a counselor who can help you reorganize some of the thoughts you have. Youa re doing a good job, but it is just harder to do when you are feeling as overwhelmed as you are now. One can especially teach you what it is you are picking up on that may be attracting abusive people towards you and help you correct that. I went through a similar healing process because when I was younger I would only end up dating guys who ended up being verbally and emotionally abusive. I always rejected the 'nice' guys. It took years to break this pattern, but I think I've finally overcome that.
The last thing I wanted to say is that it is really important that you take good care of yourself at this time. When you are overwhelmed and over-stressed, you actually start depleting your hormones and it causes all sorts of havoc and makes you sick. It causes headaches, migraines, tiredness, more depression... all the things you are feeling. So get some good multi-vitamins, get some bubble bath, and just do whatever it is you like to pamper yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat a close friend if she were going through the same thing and you wanted to help. Rest and stress reduction is very important in getting through these episodes. If you can drop a class and feel like it is necessary to reduce stress, then I would just do it and not feel bad about it. You can pick it up later when you are feeling better and stronger.
Good luck Gangsta, hang in there.
Hey Gangsta, I know we haven't spoken much on here but I just wanted to offer some support. I know how hard it can be to function when you are depressed. I was (am) very bright. Scholarships to college when I was in elementary school because of passing state standardized tests without missing any questions. A local business man approached my parents and offered to pay for my college education as long as I graduated at age 16. Talk about pressure. Not only that but I experience sexual abuse at 11 and everyone in my family thought I was "smart" enough to go right back to being that straight A student that I was before. It was horrible. I would sleep all day and then be up at night while everyone was sleeping because I didn't want the pressure of talking to anyone or socializing. I felt like a complete failure. They finally put me on Prozac which turned me into a zombie. It wasn't until I had my son and experienced unconditional love for the first time that I was able to re-build my self esteem and starting feeling like real blood was coursing through my veins. It is such a hard thing to deal with. I definitely think it is important to have someone truly supportive around you and if they are not (the guy who wasn't there for you) then it can add to the depression by having you feel rejected. I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and I hope you are okay. I totally agree with Misskitty that you need to make sure you take care of your health. Any activity that is not required such as work, school assignments etc. should be about making positive changes such as a spa, nails done, excericise you know just something fun and uplifting. I am not sure of your lifestyles I was just making suggestions. You are not alone out here and trust me a lot of people go through this. You will pull through just fine. And once you get to the otherside of it you will be a whole new person. I am sure you have a stronger ability to help others and empathize with them.
Keep your head up.....
Keep your head up.....
i went through a stage where i gained 20 pounds because everytime i was at a party or out with my ex and someone showed me attention he would pick a fight with me, co workers didnt like me because they were always in my business about who i was dating etc, made comments if any male co workers hit on me . I hated the attention. But now im like to hell with it. its not m fault i want to look nice doesnt everyone. I still have a hard time flirting cause i feel self conscious but its something im working on. and i am no longer going to tolerate a relationship where its not good for me, so you learn from your experiences and they make you stronger. being beautiful is nothing to be ashamed of, being snobby and trying to get everymans attention on purpose is... ur not doing that dont make them make youfeel guilty.
I might be hours late with this reply but:
Hey pretty lady! Sometimes the answers are right in front of our faces. When we think too hard about why we're "this" or "that" we over look the obvious..."it just is". Or better yet, " I just am". I don't know if this works for everyone but it has helped me in the past. Telling myself, " I just AM", when I feel misunderstood, left out, sad, upset, even lonely. It virtually works for just about everything.
There shouldn't be any expectations to who you are or how you feel. You just have to BE exactly what you are at the very moment. Sometimes when I expect too much from myself I find that I've dug myself deeper into depressing thoughts of, " what's wrong with me" questions. There is nothing wrong with you, you're just being human. Everyone is entitled to feel sad from time to time.
Who knows, you might even need a little break for your body and soul to take a breather. A WHOLE breather, not half, so none of that "I talked online and procrastinated" None of that kinda breather. Commit!
OR if you feel as though this is not the case:
Perhaps this is the universes way of telling you that there is something more in store for you in life elsewhere. This has happened to me during my earlier college years, and I thought that I could push through it and I ended up with anxiety, depression, migraines and! not to mention bad case of stress acne! After I gave myself some space and accepted myself and all the feelings fully, that was when I started getting better. I'm not saying that this remedy is for everyone... but our spirit needs space, time, patience and nurturing. Take care of yourself inside and out.
I hope you've been feeling better.
Hey pretty lady! Sometimes the answers are right in front of our faces. When we think too hard about why we're "this" or "that" we over look the obvious..."it just is". Or better yet, " I just am". I don't know if this works for everyone but it has helped me in the past. Telling myself, " I just AM", when I feel misunderstood, left out, sad, upset, even lonely. It virtually works for just about everything.
There shouldn't be any expectations to who you are or how you feel. You just have to BE exactly what you are at the very moment. Sometimes when I expect too much from myself I find that I've dug myself deeper into depressing thoughts of, " what's wrong with me" questions. There is nothing wrong with you, you're just being human. Everyone is entitled to feel sad from time to time.
Who knows, you might even need a little break for your body and soul to take a breather. A WHOLE breather, not half, so none of that "I talked online and procrastinated" None of that kinda breather. Commit!
OR if you feel as though this is not the case:
Perhaps this is the universes way of telling you that there is something more in store for you in life elsewhere. This has happened to me during my earlier college years, and I thought that I could push through it and I ended up with anxiety, depression, migraines and! not to mention bad case of stress acne! After I gave myself some space and accepted myself and all the feelings fully, that was when I started getting better. I'm not saying that this remedy is for everyone... but our spirit needs space, time, patience and nurturing. Take care of yourself inside and out.
I hope you've been feeling better.
You guys are amazing! Each and everyone of you.
I wanted to respond earlier, but I figured I'd leave you hanging. Suspense is good for the heart. (I wasn't ready to send my response).
Sunnisky.. Thank you for being so upliftting and keeping things positive! Its amazing that you could give so much insight and we never spoke before.
Misskitty. I have actually been trying to drop one of my classes but we'll see how things work out. I wouldn't want to go in the route of drugs, because I know what triggers my depression and what releases it.
Thank you for sharing your own experiences. It meant a lot and I know its personal.
Mariah thanks for lightening up my mood and putting things in perspective. Youre always fun!
Earthy Firecracker. Youre an awesome, awesome person! I was scared to read your response that day because I woke up really happy and saw someone left a comment. I figured it would just bring me down.
But you hit it exactly at the right spot.
Allegra. Thank you for being there when I really needed someone. I didn't email you YET. But I def. want to ask you about your Sun in the 8th. I'm interested.
Sarah. Its definately not period or hormone related. I'm good on my vitamins. :)
I did think it was because of the food I eat. Too much Junk food.
Natasha. Youre cute! Thanks for caring.
Well, thats all for the thank yous.. Thanks for the oscar! I never believed I'd be here.
I'm trying to take it easy and enjoy myself. There are ups and downs, always in life. That was a big down but I'm still standing. I meet some very positive people that make me happy inside all day long and there are others. But all of this teaches you about yourself. And maybe when it all started I wasn't being realistic and truthful with myself. Now, I'm just reprioritizing. But nothing is definate and solid. We like to think that everything just is the way it is. Things fluctuate constantly, no matter what our personal temperament demands. It's very important for me that the outside world reflects my inside, but that doesn't always happen.
So I cry and learn. :)
I met someone really interesting yesterday. Scorpio with Leo moon and a lot of Aries, Virgo in her chart. We hit it off as soon as we met and she read my palm. She said I'm too logical, don't work with emotions. She also said I have depression sometimes. All true. My other friend did a human design chart for me (real cool) and she said I should let myself fluctuate with my emotions and let go of my logic. She also said I should listen to my gut. This all makes perfect sense. I'm a kid. I like to live like a kid. I wear clothes that bring out my energy that day and skip around to get in a good mood and talk to strangers. It's just who I am. I've met some nasty people who led me to think I should be more cautios and not so kid like. But WHAT EVER! I need it. I need to be myself.
I wanted to respond earlier, but I figured I'd leave you hanging. Suspense is good for the heart. (I wasn't ready to send my response).
Sunnisky.. Thank you for being so upliftting and keeping things positive! Its amazing that you could give so much insight and we never spoke before.
Misskitty. I have actually been trying to drop one of my classes but we'll see how things work out. I wouldn't want to go in the route of drugs, because I know what triggers my depression and what releases it.
Thank you for sharing your own experiences. It meant a lot and I know its personal.
Mariah thanks for lightening up my mood and putting things in perspective. Youre always fun!
Earthy Firecracker. Youre an awesome, awesome person! I was scared to read your response that day because I woke up really happy and saw someone left a comment. I figured it would just bring me down.
But you hit it exactly at the right spot.
Allegra. Thank you for being there when I really needed someone. I didn't email you YET. But I def. want to ask you about your Sun in the 8th. I'm interested.
Sarah. Its definately not period or hormone related. I'm good on my vitamins. :)
I did think it was because of the food I eat. Too much Junk food.
Natasha. Youre cute! Thanks for caring.
Well, thats all for the thank yous.. Thanks for the oscar! I never believed I'd be here.
I'm trying to take it easy and enjoy myself. There are ups and downs, always in life. That was a big down but I'm still standing. I meet some very positive people that make me happy inside all day long and there are others. But all of this teaches you about yourself. And maybe when it all started I wasn't being realistic and truthful with myself. Now, I'm just reprioritizing. But nothing is definate and solid. We like to think that everything just is the way it is. Things fluctuate constantly, no matter what our personal temperament demands. It's very important for me that the outside world reflects my inside, but that doesn't always happen.
So I cry and learn. :)
I met someone really interesting yesterday. Scorpio with Leo moon and a lot of Aries, Virgo in her chart. We hit it off as soon as we met and she read my palm. She said I'm too logical, don't work with emotions. She also said I have depression sometimes. All true. My other friend did a human design chart for me (real cool) and she said I should let myself fluctuate with my emotions and let go of my logic. She also said I should listen to my gut. This all makes perfect sense. I'm a kid. I like to live like a kid. I wear clothes that bring out my energy that day and skip around to get in a good mood and talk to strangers. It's just who I am. I've met some nasty people who led me to think I should be more cautios and not so kid like. But WHAT EVER! I need it. I need to be myself.
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